Sunday, October 16, 2005

JUDY GATE

In light of the buzz and flurry in the blogosphere about NY Times reporter Judy Miller, I feel the need to weigh in. On this issue, Occam's Razor is surely most applicable.

Fire Judy Miller. Fire Bill Keller. Send Judy to Iraq to find the WMD she so enthusiastically claimed were there. Send Keller to Gitmo to 'edit' inmate mail--which is to say, nothing, not a word, is excised from letters.

Use all the money that Miller gets for her speaking engagements to launch a government assistance program constructing and distributing port-a-potties for hurricane relief workers. Call it the Judy Miller Doodoo Tiller. Hopefully, within about two years, a new phrase will enter popular discourse: when one has to take a crap, he or she will say "Judy calls." Eventually, a virtual laxative will be marketed. Simply look at a picture of Judy Miller, and one's bowels will quickly release the unwanted blockage.

Perhaps, over time, the New York Times will once again become a respectable newspaper, instead of the Stalinist propaganda party rag it is today.